I feel like my life is a conundrum at times. What do I really want to do with my life? And are the choices that I've been making taking me there?
And then I feel stuck.
I want to have enough money to go back to school and finish my education. I'd love to earn a PhD in Organizational Behavior and teach and do research at a university... to challenge the minds of the future. But first I want to pay off my loan from my MBA. And to pay off that loan, I have to make more money than I'm currently making now--or to have a miracle of sorts where someone somewhere gave me enough money to pay off those debts--and I assure you, nothing like that has ever happened to me or my family before so that's not in my top 2 things that I expect to happen.
I've been encouraged by the people closest to me, go ahead, go back to school now while you're still young and don't have kids to worry about. And what? Acquire more debt to pay off later? It just doesn't seem the logical choice for me. I would much rather be socking away money hand over fist than paying the creditor each month--it KILLS me the amount of debt that our government is in. Basically money that you and I owe. Every baby born in this country enters the world with a gigantic sum of money owed, and I for one think that it's ridiculous!
So, maybe two jobs is the way to go. If I could keep up the energy, it would help me pay the debt off more quickly.
I've held my current position for over a year, and I can keep going. It definitely won't be a problem, but I don't see them actually giving me opportunities to grow, which is why I look elsewhere. And maybe it's me holding myself back because it's not really what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I guess when you told your chieftan that you want to contribute and grow more, and use the skills that you have to make the work place better, and they tell you that they've got their leadership team in place but will try involve me and find opportunities, but there hasn't been a lot of change in the 4-5 months since asking, that maybe it's time to get a clue and move on.
But then again, with this economy, are people truly hiring? I've sent out resumes. I've had an interview here and there. And I'm in the group of folks that have a Master's Degree--so I know. It's tough out there. But I've not given up yet, so you shouldn't either. I've got a few techniques that I've not tested yet that may yield better results, who knows!?
And yes, it sucks for everyone out of work--although I'm still of the belief that you can find a job, you just have to be willing to do pretty much anything. And a lot of folks aren't there yet. But at least I'm paying my bills--even if I'm not currently in my dream job.
I guess my next worry would be, when everything finally falls into place for me--I get another job, get my student loan paid off, get back into school and earn a PhD--who's to say I'll not be back where I started!!??
That's the frustrating part. Life is hurry up and wait. But once the waiting is done, are you still frustrated? And if you go after the things you want, do you have to put other dreams, like starting a family, traveling the world, and just the small parts of enjoying life on hold as well?
Or maybe this is just life for people like me. Achievers, who never seem to be satisfied with their current station in life. Once I achieve one thing, there's always something else in life to tackle. But I guess I wouldn't live my life any other way. At least for me, it's better than sitting still or running in place.
